Never Forsaken: The Four Types of Loneliness

Debbie Simler-Goff
Apr 6
5 min read

“Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” —Deuteronomy 31:6

There are, in my opinion, four types of loneliness and we will touch on each one during our brief time together. So please join me in this journey of a short read on this topic and add your own thoughts and insights to the conversation.

I’m not saying that to be polite, I really do want to know what your experiences with loneliness have been. So let’s explore this together, shall we?

There’s a particular kind of loneliness that creeps in during life’s transitions—the kind that doesn’t show up all at once, but slowly settles in like a fog. I felt it when my husband and I left the Chicago area and moved to Mississippi after his retirement. I said goodbye to the familiar: my children and grandchildren, my daily rhythms, my community, and in many ways, my “place in the world.”

I didn’t expect it to hit so hard.

But it did.

I found myself wrestling with a strange uncertainty—like I was “standing on marbles.” Nothing felt grounded. So many relationships shifted all at once, and I missed my people. I missed being known. I even missed the grocery store I always went to. In moments like those, a quiet question surfaced in my spirit: Who am I now?

Today, the word “identity” often gets distorted and used to define everything from gender to preferences—but the deeper truth is that we do go through identity shifts during big life changes. And when that sense of identity is shaken, loneliness isn’t far behind.

We often think of loneliness as something that only comes when we’re physically alone, but I’ve come to understand that loneliness wears different faces. For example, when a significant person in your life passes away—especially a spouse—you’re not just grieving their absence. You’re grieving the part of you that was wrapped up in them. And the questions roll in: Who are my friends now that I’m no longer a couple? Who am I without them?

The Four Types of Loneliness

1. Circumstantial Loneliness

This is the loneliness that’s triggered by life events—moving, retirement, job loss, children growing up and moving on, the death of a loved one. These changes rearrange our world and can leave us feeling isolated, even when we’re surrounded by people. It’s situational, and while it may not last forever, it still hurts deeply in the moment.

2. Healthy Loneliness (A God-Drawing)

Then there’s a kind of loneliness that’s not born from loss, but from a pull. I believe this is what I’d call a God-drawing. Even Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness—not to be abandoned, but to be separated unto God. There are lessons, revelations, and deposits that only come in solitude. It’s the holy hush where God forms us, heals us, and prepares us for what’s next. This type of loneliness isn’t something to fear—it’s something to lean into.

My spiritual mother used to say, “There are places in God you can only reach alone.” I understand that more deeply now.

3. Inward Loneliness (Unhealthy Loneliness)

This one is harder to talk about, but it’s also the most dangerous. I’ve experienced it—the kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from loss or divine separation, but from an inward struggle. Feelings of inferiority. Insecurity. Wondering if anyone sees you, if anyone cares.

I remember times when I sat with my phone, silently praying, “Lord, if anyone is thinking of me today, would you let them reach out?” That sounds pretty desperate, doesn’t it? And looking back, it was.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Instead of praying for someone to notice me, I needed to pray,

“Lord, I’m feeling lonely right now. Help me draw closer to You. I know You are a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Help me focus on Your presence rather than the absence of others.”

Inward loneliness must be met with truth and light. That’s where prayer, Scripture, trusted friendships, and sometimes even Biblical counseling come in. We have to recognize when loneliness has begun to reshape our self-concept—and bring it into the presence of the One who never forsakes.

Inward loneliness must be met with truth and light.

4. Sacred Loneliness (The Cost of Being Set Apart)

There’s one more kind I’ve noticed over the years—what I would call sacred loneliness. It’s the kind Moses experienced when he climbed the mountain to meet with God. It’s the price of separation, of being set apart. When you’re deeply committed to walking with the Lord, there will be seasons when others simply can’t go where you’re going. That can be painful—but it’s also holy.

Reverend Caleb Herring has spoken much about the transformative power of this kind of loneliness in a podcast conversation, he said,

“Loneliness is not a condition, it is a position. Loneliness helps us find ourselves. Let God hide you and prepare you for what is to come!”-Reverend Caleb Herring

Bro. Herring expounds on this type of loneliness even further in the following message:

Spiritual Insight

When God gave this promise to Joshua in Deuteronomy 31:6, it wasn’t in a moment of ease. It was at a turning point. Moses was passing the mantle. Everything was changing. Joshua was stepping into uncharted territory—just like many of us do in transitional seasons.

God’s message was clear:

I am with you in the unfamiliar. You may feel alone, but you are never forsaken.

“God doesn’t just visit us in our loneliness—He abides. That’s the power of the Holy Ghost.” -Nona Freeman

Mental Wellness Insight: Your Loneliness Toolbox

Loneliness will knock on all of our doors at some point. That doesn’t make you broken—it makes you human. But when it begins to invade your daily thoughts, distort your identity, or steal your peace, it’s time to reach into your Loneliness Toolbox.

Here are a few tools I’ve learned to keep close:

Scripture: Write out verses like Deuteronomy 31:6 and speak them over your day.
Prayer: Honest, raw conversation with God. He already knows, so tell Him.
Community: Reach out to a trusted friend or spiritual mentor. Let someone in.
Reflection: Ask, Is this a God-drawing or an inward wound? Let that guide your response.
Support: There is no shame in talking to a Biblical counselor or mental health professional when you need help navigating the deeper layers.