“Good For Me vs. Good To Me — Trusting God’s Purpose”

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.." — Romans 8:28

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Have you ever asked yourself: “Why would God let this happen?” Maybe it was a sudden loss, an unanswered prayer, or a disappointment that cut deeply. In those moments, Romans 8:28 can feel confusing. If God promises that all things work together for good, why does it still hurt so much? Could it be that God’s definition of “good” is different from mine? What if what is not good for me in the moment can still reveal His goodness to me for eternity?

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Several years ago, I walked through a season that did not feel “good for me.” I had just endured a major spiritual setback by choosing disobedience, was walking in daily repentance and submission, and was gingerly navigating my way by God's redemptive grace. Our small family was on the path of deep healing of emotional wounds. Just as my husband and I were making strides in finding a stable footing mentally, emotionally, and financially, I was in a terrible car accident. Recovery took nearly 3 months. It could have been SO much worse than it was, and we thank God that it wasn’t.

With my ‘work’ responsibilities, I am used to being the one who holds things together. But behind the scenes, I felt broken. I couldn't seem to hold myself together, much less anything else. Things didn’t seem stable in my life. I wondered, “Lord, how is this good?”

Looking back now, I can see that while the season was not 'good for me' in the way I would have chosen, God was undeniably good to me. He used the pressure to refine my faith. His love helped me to shift my priorities and anchored my identity not in achievement or recognition, but in His unshakable love.

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Romans 8:28 does not say all things are good. Instead, it assures us that God works all things together for good. That’s a critical difference. A single painful event may not be good for me, but God, in His wisdom, weaves it into His larger redemptive purpose that is ultimately good to me.

The world often defines “good” as comfort, success, or personal happiness. But the Word redefines “good” as conformity to Christ’s image (Romans 8:29). Pain and pruning may not feel beneficial in the moment, but they are purposeful.

As Bishop T.F. Tenney once said: “God’s delays are not God’s denials; they are His preparations.”

Psychologically, we could call this a reframing of our “self-schema” — how we interpret events through the lens of our identity. As believers, our identity is rooted not in fleeting outcomes but in eternal calling.

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When we forget this truth, our struggles can turn inward. Pain can easily morph into shame: “This must mean I’m not enough.” Or into comparison: “Everyone else is thriving, why am I stuck?” Left unchecked, these thoughts consume us, reinforcing isolation. Consumed by the thought of us, me-me-me mentality.

But Scripture calls us to turn outward.

• Philippians 2:3 urges us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

• Galatians 5:13 reminds us that we are called to serve one another in love.

• Romans 12:15 tells us to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice.

These practices shift us away from self-absorption and into Christ-centered community, where healing often takes place.

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Joseph in Genesis is a prime example. Betrayed by his brothers, sold into slavery, and unjustly imprisoned, nothing about his journey seemed “good for him.” Yet at the end of the story, Joseph declared, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me, but God meant it unto good to bring to pass as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20). What was not good for Joseph in the moment was still used by God to be good to him and, ultimately, to an entire nation. His life testifies that God’s purpose always prevails.

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From a mental health perspective, disappointment and hardship often trigger patterns of negative thinking—what psychologists call “cognitive distortions.” We may catastrophize (“This will never get better”) or personalize (“This happened because I failed”). Spiritually, the enemy can weaponize these distortions, turning them into spiritual warfare through lies and accusations.

But renewing the mind (Romans 12:2) involves aligning our thoughts with truth:

God is always good to me, even when circumstances are not good for me.

This mental and spiritual shift breaks cycles of anxiety and despair, making room for peace that “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7).

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Practical Tool for This Week

Exercise: Reframing the “Not Good”

1. Name the situation. Write down something in your life right now that does not feel “good for you.” Be honest and specific.

2. Identify God’s goodness. Prayerfully list at least one way God has been “good to you” through that very situation—whether through provision, support from others, or deeper faith.

3. Claim the promise. Write Romans 8:28 beside it as a declaration that God is working this situation together for good, even if you cannot yet see how.

Example:

• Situation: Lost a job unexpectedly.

• God’s goodness: Had more time with family and developed deeper prayer habits.

• Promise: Trusting God is opening a better door in His timing.

This tool helps shift perspective from frustration to faith, retraining both mind and spirit to recognize God’s active goodness.

Prayer

Heavenly Father, thank You that You are always good to me, even when things don’t feel good for me. Teach me to trust Your purpose above my own plans. When trials come, help me see Your hand at work and to remember that You are weaving all things together for my good and Your glory. Heal the places where disappointment has settled in my heart, and renew my mind with hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.