Make Space - When Friends Go Silent

The Silent Seasons in Friendship

As with nature, there are difference seasons in life. It is important to acknowledge a friend who has withdrawn or fallen silent, regardless of what the cause may be.

As an Apostolic woman, I deeply value relationship - both with God, family and my friends! We were created for fellowship - God designed us intricately to desire connection and fellowship. I do, however, have a difficult time voicing my needs to even my closest of friends - and I know I’m not the only one that struggles with that.

When I am on the receiving end of “silence”, it may be the first instinct of our carnal nature to think silence equals rejection, but it’s not always the case . Silence is often a necessary space for healing or growth (think of the caterpillar in a cocoon). It’s vital to understand the season and not allow the adversary a victory in these situations. Refuse the thoughts of and desire to assign blame.

Why Might a Friend Go Silent?

😐 Burnout/Emotional Overload: Let’s face it - in a Pinterest-TikTok-Instagram society where there is so much demand for ‘productivity & performance’, Burnout and Emotional Overload is a serious threat, especially for mama friends in the ministry or other leadership positions. Emotional exhaustion can stem from personal struggles, church responsibilities, and life challenges, all which can cause withdrawal.

(I recently shared my “overwhelming” concerns about my 20yo Daughter getting married and moving 5 hours away, my father and father-in-law having cancer diagnoses within months of each other, and my business struggles…  I didn’t include in that post that I take joy in being a wife of nearly 22 years, being present and emotional supportive for my ever-growing 6’2” 15yr old son, being Secretary at our church, Personal Assistant for my Bishop, being involved as a Small Group leader, in Bible Studies and involved in Bus Ministry. It seems like a mouth-full, but there is such a peace in my current roles! In times past, when feeling overwhelmed by "life and responsibilities" I was terrible about falling silent or fading into the background while I sorted out my internal mess when I needed external support the most.)

For anyone operating outside of their God-ordained purpose and response to His call to fulfill specific roles, burnout or emotional overload can and most likely will happen, especially when trying to maintain perfection or fulfill impossible expectations placed on them by others or themselves.

🙏🏼 Spiritual Struggles: Spiritual struggles can also cause a friend to fall silent - whether they’re struggling with doubt, worth, or in a dry season, they may retreat into silence as they try to pray through it alone.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Family issues, mental health struggles, trauma, or other personal issues can cause silence, as an individual needs time to reflect and heal. In the pursuit of solitude to process, people may not want to burden anyone else with what they are dealing with internally. I have a very close near and dear friend, who is very much like the Shunammite woman declaring “It is well” on the outside when her entire world is upside down internally. Even the strongest of warriors need support. Determine to be that support.

Practical Ways to Reach Out to the Silent Friend

🩵 Give them space, but let them know you care. Always offer grace by allowing them the space they need, but gently remind them that you are thinking of them and praying for them.

💙 PRAY. Dear one - we are ambassadors here on assignment from an all-knowing God. He created our minds and emotions and He can operate and heal in ways we never can. Pray for wisdom and understanding before making contact, and ask God to guide your heart in reaching out.

💜 Reach Out. Send a simple, non-intrusive text or card, just to say, "I'm thinking of you and praying for you. Whenever you're ready to talk, I'm here.” Those words can go a long way for someone who feels alone or forgotten.

🩷 Be consistent in offering support. (And pray sincerely for guidance.) Regular check-ins that don't demand a response—whether through scripture, encouraging words, or just letting them know you're there—can help break through their silence. Do create an opportunity for open dialogue when you feel it is time to. Let your friend know that you're available to listen without judgment when they're ready to open up.

💗 BE OKAY IF THEY DON’T WANT TO DISCUSS THINGS - OR SHARE DETAILS. This is so important. We do not have to know all the deets on whatever battle, trauma, struggle or hardship they’ve faced, but we must love as Christ loved and prayerfully support our friends. Period.

How to Support Her During Hard Times

🍜 Sometimes, offering tangible support—like preparing a meal, helping with errands, watching children while she takes a long bath or goes grocery shopping — or just spending time together — can alleviate some of the pressures she might be facing.

🧸 Offer your presence and a compassionate ear, allowing her time to talk when she's ready. Don’t rush her process - be patient with her pace. If you struggle with being empathetic by nature, pray that God grows that in you - and pray for Him to direct your steps in helping support your silent friend.

Balancing the need for space with gentle encouragement can show that you are supportive, but not overbearing. Again — details aren’t needed, sometimes we just need someone to simply sit and be still with. Silent support can often be just the thing friends need. Let me remind you of the "story" by A.A. Milne...

Offer Grace and Seeking God’s Guidance

💟 Love unconditionally. God is Love. Unconditionally. To be a true reflection of Christ, we should offer the same unconditional love, support, and grace. Just as the seasons change from the loud fun-in-the-sun summer to the 'Silent Nights' of a snowy winter, silence is not the end of a friendship, but a season - and spring is coming. Take the Season of Silence as an opportunity to grow deeper in prayer for those around you and allow God to broaden your understanding in how to deal with the seasons of others. While offering physical space may be necessary - stay close in prayer awaiting the moment to reconnect.

✝️ Offer grace. Grace is essential in supporting a friend who is silent — It's not about fixing them, but being a supportive, prayerful presence in their life. Recognize that there will be seasons when God works in ways that we cannot see. Trust that God is ministering to their heart in silence, just as He does in times of connection.

🛐 Create a safe, judgment-free zone — especially in church communities, there can be an unspoken pressure to “always be strong” or “have it all together”. Offer a safe place where your friend can share their struggles without fear of criticism or being “talked about.” To be a safe space, you must truly be a SAFE SPACE.

🔁 Always, always, always, always pray and offer Spiritual Support. If she’s open to it, pray with her. Meet in her home, yours, or in the prayer room or another neutral space and pray. If she’s not ready, offer to pray for her quietly, and later, pray for her during your prayer time. Emphasize that God knows her heart, what she is going through, and that His grace is sufficient and His love is everlasting in all situations.

Let's be Women of Action!

👣 As a woman of God, walk in sensitivity to those around you. Pray that God open your spiritual senses so that you can feel when your friends need "extra support". Reach out when you notice someone in your circle has gone silent, cover them in prayer and offer grace and understanding.

⬇️ Comment below and let me know how you "Make Space" for a friend that has fallen silent.