Understanding and Making Space - For Penguin Friends

I have two very special friends that consistently share reels, memes, text "dad" jokes, and randomly show up with "a little happy" 'just because'. I can scroll back on messenger for months and find very little interaction besides shared items, both amusing and serious, and our responses to them. Our 'deeper' conversations usually occur in person or by call or text. It's well known within my 'circle' that I am a collector of Precious Moments figurines - and I've lost count of the ones they've brought as gifts, whether on special occasions wrapped in celebratory paper or delivered to me on a random weekdays wrapped in thrift store bags as a "saw this and thought of you" happy. These little things, often random and unexpected, make my heart swell with their love. This is the pebbling of a Penguin Friend.

Penguin Friends: What are they? Friends that express their affection in small, thoughtful ways. Maybe you have a friend that “touches” or “reaches” by sending memes, reels, funnies, sweet heartfelt stories, an overabundance of emojis or gifs. Maybe you have a friend that brings (or sends) physical tangible gifts, regardless of how small? 

These friends are expressing love like a penguin. Gentoo penguins exchange pebbles as an expression of their affection. These pebbling penguin friends are dropping pebbles off at your feet - and more often than not, if you listen closely, you’ll hear the whispered plea... 

“Make space for me”.

Take a moment to reflect - do you have a penguin friend? Are you one that passes on pebbles?

Understanding the Penguin Friend

➨ Unique Ways to Show Affection - There’s stretches of time when friends may send me 5-7 memes, videos, or funny messages - followed by a small “I saw this and thought of you!” gift. Some people express their love through giving gifts, even though they may receive love in a completely different way, like… Quality Time (are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages?). Memes, funny videos, random texts… these may seem small, but they carry deep meaning. You were thought of - something brought you to their mind… and that always makes me feel special! 

➨ Non-Verbal Communication Care -  We’ve all heard “actions speak louder than words” - have you read “My Little Children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue, but in deed and in truth.” - 1 John 3:18. Deeds - or action, speak volumes when it comes to penguin friends. The touch of penguin friends is gentle, yet constant, like a soft ripple reminding you that they’re there - and they’re thinking of you. 

➨ Consistency over Grand-Gestures - Penguin friends are consistently present in your life… and pebbles may not be grand or costly, but they’re constant. One of the greatest feelings is knowing a friend is always there. Penguin friends are reliant, “loyal”, and sincere… sometimes pebbles come in the form of texts of encouragement, prayer, or “just checking in”. Whatever the pebble, in whatever form, they’re all meaningful actions. 

The Gift of Tangibility - Small Gifts, Big Meaning

➨ Physical Tokens of Love - Maybe it's a jelly-filled donut, maybe it's an adorable spring-themed “salt and peep-er shaker”… they both symbolize their affection. Regardless of how small, the thoughtfulness and dedication to their friendship is shown with each pebble they pass on to you. Think of each text, message, meme, reel, gift… as a small physical token of their love for you! 

➨ Unexpected, Yet Heartfelt Gestures - How thrilling it is to have a friend walk in with your favorite drink, snack, candy… or handwritten note expressing their appreciation for you. The small, unexpected ‘pebbles’ are following the words of 1 John 3:18 - these type actions speak louder than words when cultivating deep connections within a friendship. 

➨ The Power of Presence Over Materialism - Up to this point you’re probably thinking ‘friendships aren’t based on gifts, regardless of how small’ and you’re right - 100%. It’s the thought and intention behind them that makes all the difference. These  type gestures and reaching out between friends consistently create lasting bonds.

The Subtle Plea: “Make Space for Me”

➨ The Silent Request for Attention - Sometimes a friend may give you small, seemingly insignificant ‘pebbles’ as a silent request for time or attention - and although we may not always have the time or means to spend hours with a friend, it doesn’t take much to give emotional space or support to a friend. 

➨ Understanding Emotional Availability - Walking in sensitivity to the Lord helps us as individuals to be mindful of those around us, and gives us a more empathetic outlook. It’s important to be aware when pebbling friends are requesting emotional support - so we can make space and ‘show up’ for them when they need it most. If we are able to respond openly, it can deepen the friendship immeasurably. 

➨ Reciprocity and Emotional Balance - In friendship, there is always give-and-take… Pebbling friends consistently give their affection and emotional support, happies and “thinking about you” pebbles - and they’re asking for the same mutual emotional support and availability. When there is mutual emotional availability from both parties, it maintains a healthy, supportive relationship.

Creating Space for Penguin Friends: How to Respond

➨ Practice Active Listening - Maybe it's memes, videos, or funnies. What was their reason for sharing it? Does it have a deeper meaning? Truly “listen” to what they’re saying, regardless if they’re using words or not. Be naturally present and attentive - engage and respond in a way that shows you truly care about what they are thinking, feeling, or needing. 

➨ Nurturing Friendship with Time and Attention - Find ways to actively create space for your penguin friend - reach out, bring a coffee, share a ‘happy’. Reciprocate the pebbling, or set aside time for the two of you to connect - a lot of connection and conversation can happen in a ‘coffee date’ (and they happen to be my favorite). Small, intentional actions reinforce any relationship - and we must become intentional with our friendships - because we need each other!!

➨ Appreciation and Affection - Showing appreciation and gratitude for your friends, whether “Pebbling Penguins” or not, reinforces their desire to continue pouring time and effort into the connection. If you haven’t done so lately, reach out to your friends and thank them for making the “little” moments so special. Our lives are a culmination of many “little moments” - we need to express our love and gratitude to those who share this life with us. 

It’s so very important that we make space for our friends who show their love in unique (and sometimes quiet) ways. The small, thoughtful gestures go a long way in building deeper, more meaningful connections. Invest in people - make space - both emotionally and physically, for your friends requesting your time and energy. 

Do you have a penguin friend in your life? Share a comment below on how you make space for them.