It's Not About Me

Christmas is upon us, and we are ready! I’m a Christmas fanatic at heart. My trees went up on October 31, gifts are wrapped and under the tree, my tacky Christmas sweaters are on rotation, and we are trying to soak up all the special memories that seem to fill this season.

My husband and I currently serve as the youth pastors at our local church where we have the best young people! Since my husband was preaching midweek service for our pastor this week, I got to finish the series he has been teaching in youth class. In a nutshell, the lesson was all about our responsibility during this time of year to share the true meaning of Christmas.

One of the key points noted that the only ones the Bible records who received an angelic visitation regarding where to find baby Jesus were the shepherds. It wasn’t the wise men. They had to follow the star. It wasn’t rulers of nations or an elite few. No. The angelic visitation came to those who in that day were considered some of the lowest of the low. Watching over their flocks night and day in the elements with no comforts of home, the shepherds were indeed living uncomfortable lives.

Another key point was how many times have we missed what God had for us because we were comfortable and how many times do we not share our testimonies because doing so makes us uncomfortable. Upon seeing baby Jesus, the shepherds felt compelled to spread the Good News. Noone prompted or pushed them to. They did it because of the excitement they felt...the comfort and joy that came from seeing the long-awaited Savior. It struck me then about my own journey. Until this year, my life had become one of great comfort and apathy. I had grown self-centered and prideful; therefore, I have no doubt I missed many opportunities for the Lord to visit me and use me as a witness to others for His glory.

Upon sharing this lesson with our students, I felt a tremendous burden to reiterate a very important lesson I have learned over the last year - our journey on this earth is not just about us. On the journey to wholeness, it can be incredibly easy to super-focus on ourselves.

DISCLAIMER: I understand that self-care is important. I have been (and still can be) the queen of overextending myself, not having firm boundaries in place, and boiling over when I am put under too much pressure because I took on too much responsibility. I have used Matthew 16:26 that says, “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?” as an excuse to pull back from others when I needed a break because I hadn’t learned where my limits are. Nonetheless, I have discovered that on this journey I can get buried underneath the weight of my own stuff and lose compassion for others.

If I could describe this year in one word, it would be UNCOMFORTABLE. Around December of last year, I was met face to face with a deep and dark depression. I can take you to multiple days and nights where the enemy had backed me into a corner and was beating me down. Some days I felt that he literally had his hands around my neck trying to choke me. I have never been one to struggle with suicidal thoughts, but for some reason, they were there. I believed the lie that I was not good enough and that someone else could do a much better job at filling the roles I was in. I felt so lost, but I still managed to show up and smile through the pain. In hindsight, I see that God was breaking me of my pride, my many selfish desires, and the false expectations I had placed on myself and others. By walking through Hell, I can see the warped mindset I had allowed my flesh and the enemy to develop in me. Those were some scary places, but in order to recover and be able to grow, I discovered I had to confront those deep, dark places and allow the Lord to illuminate the weak spots with His truth and grace.

My favorite Scripture that I seem to go back to is Psalm 119:37, “Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.” Countless times, I prayed this over my life, and unbeknownst to me at the time, God had answered my prayer. The mind-blowing part about all of this is even at my lowest and darkest moments, I told my husband multiple times that I didn’t feel like I was going through this season only for me. In fact, I went so far as to say that I felt as though it was for someone in our circle.

A few weeks later, the dust had somewhat settled on that first episode of darkness. We continued praying, I was digging deeper into spiritual disciplines and learning what I could about spiritual warfare, I sought out a Holy Ghost filled counselor, and then the day came. We found out that an individual close to us had been struggling with suicide and forms of self-harm. I was completely heartbroken and yet somehow hopeful. Heartbroken that this was happening to one of our own, but so incredibly grateful that God had allowed me to get a glimpse into what this person was going through so that I could relate in some way to help them. Isn’t that just like our God? He works all things (the good, the great, the bad, the ugly) together (Romans 8:28).

Since this situation, we have had two more occurrences with other individuals. Guess how many times I have been accosted by these similar spirits, strongholds, etc....TWO. TIMES. Over and over again, I see the Lord reminding me that my testimony is for someone else. Yes, He sees me specifically, but He also has an interwoven plan far beyond what my mind can comprehend.

Ever wondered what spiritual warfare feels like? It’s discomfort. Whether God or self-induced, spiritual warfare is becoming uncomfortable with business as usual. The enemy of our souls would like nothing better than for us to settle into our casual routines, our plans, our to do lists, and even our usual church attendance, all the while allowing ourselves to grow, indifferent, stagnant, and cold when our families, friends, neighbors, etc. desperately needs us to fight for them. In James 2, we find the admonishment to shift our perspective on discomfort - “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:2-4). James recognized that discomfort pushes us into a deeper relationship with the Lord, what should be our ultimate life goal.

Discomfort pushes us into a deeper relationship with the Lord, what should be our ultimate life goal.

I am always blown away by how God is speaking to us day in and day out, how separate little moments of our week are actually tied together messages of hope. This week my dad, who is also our pastor, had invited some local school officials to utilize our facilities for an upcoming event. They were coming to do a walkthrough to see if what we had would work. I happened to be at the church studying when my dad got there and asked me to stay and meet them. My dad claims to be a talker, and I am convinced the man knows everyone. Between being a former insurance salesman and a current pastor, the man has people skills like you wouldn’t believe, but as he toured these individuals around our youth center, I could hear him sharing his testimony. He shares it so effortlessly. Maybe it is because he is a talker, but I believe that this ease of sharing comes from years of practice and a true gratefulness for what God has done in His life. He is not uncomfortable anymore because he has done it so many times. I’m grateful for his example and influence in my life.

As the holiday season continues you may be spending time with individuals or situations that make you uncomfortable. When you get that feeling, ask the Lord if He is trying to give you an opportunity to share your testimony. Maybe it’s with a cousin you haven’t seen in a while who is struggling with depression. Maybe it’s a neighbor who is lonely and needs hope. Maybe it’s the cashier who can’t seem to make ends meet. Is sharing your story uncomfortable? Yes. But the more we do it, the easier it will become.

Without the testimony of others, I never would have felt comfortable to open up about my own personal struggles. Had a close family member not shared her experience with seeking professional help in addition to prayer, I am not sure that I would have ever had the courage to do the same. Countless testimonies have impacted my walk and increased my faith.  I have learned the hard way that when our shortcomings are finally brought into His light, they are no longer quite as daunting. Because of that, I too get to testify of God’s goodness, not only at Christmas but every day for the rest of my life because it’s not about me.