What Do You See? (Healing Self-Esteem & Identity)

Biblical Truth

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.”—Psalm 139:14

What Do You See in the Mirror?

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Who do you see?

More importantly, what do you say to yourself about yourself?

It’s a simple series of questions—but if you take a moment to answer them honestly, they reveal deep truths. Your words to yourself are not just reflections of your appearance; they’re echoes of a deeper story—one shaped by past experiences, the opinions of others, and wounds you may have silently carried for years.

Psychologists call this your “self-schema,” which is a mental framework built from past experiences, especially the words and actions of primary caregivers. It’s also closely tied to attachment theory, which explores how early relationships shape the way we view ourselves and interact with the world.

“As a Man Thinketh…”

“Healing starts in the mind – as a man thinks in his heart, so is he.”—Dr. Vani Marshall

So much of our self-image is quietly formed in the shadows of childhood and cultivated in the soil of culture, criticism, or comparison. Add to that the constant rumination many of us engage in—replaying negative words, body image struggles, or moments of failure—and it’s no wonder so many of us battle with feelings of worthlessness.

I know I did.

Messages That Molded Me

From my earliest memory, my self-image was under attack. I don’t blame my caregiver entirely—she came from a broken home herself, filled with pain and patterns she never healed from. But the truth remains: the words she spoke shaped me.

Though there was no physical abuse, there was a steady stream of words—words that chipped away at my sense of value. Words the enemy of my soul twisted into a narrative that whispered, “You don’t matter. You’re not enough.”

But let me be clear.

“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers…”—Ephesians 6:12

My caregiver was not the enemy. She was a tool the enemy tried to use to destroy my identity before I could ever discover it in Christ. But thank God—it didn’t work.

“But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good…”—Genesis 50:20

Like Joseph, I’ve lived through betrayal and rejection, but God had a plan of restoration that has unfolded in such beauty, I now weep with gratitude rather than shame.

Learning to See Myself Through God’s Eyes

I’ve carried the weight of insecurity in many forms, but perhaps none more visible than my body. I have been a very large woman for most of my adult life. My doctor’s chart labels me “obese”—a word that used to send me into spirals of shame.

For years, I let my size dictate my value. Walking into a room was a battlefield—every glance felt like a judgment. Comparison ruled my thoughts.

But with time, truth, Scripture, godly mentors, and a little counseling—I began to reframe those thoughts. Now when I walk into a room, I’m not thinking about me—I’m excited to see who else is there that I might connect with. That’s healing.

When Low Self-Esteem Becomes Self-Centeredness

Low self-esteem doesn’t just hurt—it can trap us in a cycle of self-focus. When we constantly fixate on how unworthy we are, how unattractive we feel, or how we never measure up… we begin to orbit around self instead of Jesus.

The enemy loves that.

The antidote? Serving others. Esteeming others. Rejoicing with others.

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” —Philippians 2:3

“By love serve one another.” —Galatians 5:13

“Rejoice with them that do rejoice…” —Romans 12:15

The more we turn outward in love, the more God restores what was broken inside.

A Bible Character Who Gets It: Gideon

When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he was hiding in fear. He called himself “the least,” from the smallest tribe. But God called him something else:

“The Lord is with thee, thou mighty man of valor.” —Judges 6:12

God didn’t speak to Gideon’s insecurity. He spoke to Gideon’s identity.

Mental Wellness Insight

Low self-esteem is usually rooted in lies—words spoken by others, replayed in our minds, or whispered by the enemy. But our identity in Christ is not based on how we feel or what we do. It is based on who He says we are:

Chosen. Called. Loved. Complete.

“And ye are complete in him…” —Colossians 2:10

Practical Tool for This Week

Exercise: Replacing the Lie

1. Write down three lies you’ve believed about yourself.

2. Write a Scripture truth to replace each one.

3. Say these truths out loud every morning this week.

Example:

• Lie: “I’m not good enough.”

• Truth: “I am complete in Him.” —Colossians 2:10

As you practice speaking truth, your thoughts will begin to align with heaven.

Prayer

Lord Jesus, help me see myself the way You see me.

Tear down every lie and false label I’ve picked up from this world.

Restore my identity—not in my performance, but in Your promises.

I am Yours. I am loved. I am whole in You.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.