Confessions of a (Selective) Avoider: How Personality and Prayer Help Us Grow

Let me be honest:

I’m an avoider.

Not in everything—just in some things.

Recently, despite high performance at work and consistent excellence in my role as a Hospice Volunteer Manager, I let my expense reports pile up until I was hit with a late fee. Ugh. I cringed. And I asked myself, Why do I do this?

I’m not careless. I pay my bills on time. My credit score is stellar. I’m highly respected in my profession—so much so that I was recently invited to join an elite group of peer mentors who coach new managers across our network.

But still… I avoid.

Not everything, just the things I can’t quite explain.

Expense reports.

Phone calls.

Sometimes even the “maintenance work” of relationships.

And it bothers me. I’ve asked God more than once, Why does it take such effort to make a simple call to a family member, yet I’ll go to great lengths to minister to someone hurting?

Why does the small stuff sometimes feel so heavy?

I Don’t Avoid the Hard Things… Just the Random Ones

Here’s what’s confusing:

I don’t avoid hard spiritual disciplines.

I rise early every day to pray. I read the Word consistently.

I don’t shrink back from hard conversations either. I’d rather clear the air than carry any angst in my heart. Keeping my spirit clean before God matters deeply to me.

And yet… I’ll avoid making a phone call.

Or updating an insurance form.

Or—yes—submitting that expense report.

Sound familiar?

“What I Hate, I Do…” — Paul Gets It

In those moments when I’ve let myself down, I take comfort in Romans 7:15:

“For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do.” —Romans 7:15 (NIV)

Even Paul—the apostle, the powerhouse, the spiritual giant—understood this internal conflict.

Avoidance isn’t always laziness. Sometimes, it’s deeper than that.

And understanding that is the first step toward change.

When I Asked the Lord Why… He Answered

As I brought this before the Lord in prayer, I reminded Him (as if He needed reminding!) that He is the Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6), and that James 1:5 promises:

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

And He answered.

Not in an audible voice, but in a whisper to my spirit:

It’s how you’re wired. But it’s not your excuse.

Your Personality Isn’t an Excuse—But It’s a Clue

As I dug deeper, I sensed the Lord prompting me to revisit my personality profile. According to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I’m an INFJ.

Here’s how INFJs are often described:

“Deeply committed to meaningful one-on-one relationships, but often struggle with maintaining surface-level or routine connection with others.”

Bingo.

Reading this gave me both clarity and compassion for myself—not permission to stay the same, but insight to grow wisely.

Want to Understand Yourself Better? Start Here:

If you’ve never taken the 16Personalities test, I recommend it. It’s free and insightful:

https://www.16personalities.com/profile

Remember—self-awareness isn’t self-centered. It’s a powerful tool when brought under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Partnering With God to Overcome Weakness

When we bring our wiring to the altar and ask the Lord to help us grow, He does. He doesn’t erase our personalities—He refines them. He reveals blind spots, heals wounds, and strengthens what’s weak.

Here are a few practical strategies that are helping me as an INFJ:

• Schedule Connection Touchpoints

  • Pick a time once a week or month to call or text family—and set a time limit (e.g., 20 minutes). It keeps it manageable and removes the guilt of procrastination.

• Create Meaningful Check-In Alternatives

  • Sometimes connection can be simple:

    • Send an encouraging Scripture with a short message

    • Text: “Thinking of you. Praying for you today.”

    • Mail a handwritten note or small gift when led

• Use Emotional Filters

  • Before diving into a conversation, ask:

    • Is this emotionally life-giving or draining?

    • Do I have the bandwidth to truly listen today?

• Let Go of the “Shoulds”

  • Not every relationship needs frequent contact to be meaningful. Your presence in the moments that matter is more powerful than a perfectly consistent call log.

Why Accountability Changes Everything

All the good intentions in the world can fall flat without accountability.

That’s why having a coach, mentor, or friend is essential. Someone who will lovingly check in. Someone who will celebrate your progress and gently call you back when you slip.

(P.S. If you’re looking for a Christ-centered coach, that’s what I do at Pursuing Wholeness. Reach out—I’d love to walk alongside you.)

So… What About You?

What’s your personality type? What are the strengths God wants to use—and what are the areas He’s gently highlighting for growth?

Leave a comment and let’s talk about it.

Because growth starts not with shame—but with understanding.